what the hell is a mystery cult

topic posted Wed, November 5, 2003 - 8:20 AM by  joe @#$%ing ...
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A mystery cult is a religion that knows or pretends to know something about the meaning of life. Mainly its an excuse to get drunk in the dark.
posted by:
joe @#$%ing judd
SF Bay Area
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  • Re: what the hell is a mystery cult

    Mon, November 17, 2003 - 9:39 PM
    The main mystery cults I know of are the Elysian and the Mithratic, and of course one hears stories of the Dionysians. None big on rationality. Hard to imagine how this would work out for Daddy's Favorite Headache. Goddess of craft and strategy.
  • More Sacrifices to the Gruel

    Mon, November 17, 2003 - 11:57 PM
    The main thing modern day religions are missing are the sacrifices. If we aren't killing shit then what the heck good is our religion? I mean, really? Is there any particular God than can be appeased by the slaying of pigeons? If there is then I will glady hook him/her up.

    Yours in the desire for less life on earth,
    America
    • Re:Pigeons

      Wed, November 19, 2003 - 9:08 PM
      Pigeons being messengers, are holy to Hermes, so He either wants them as sacrifice or will get really pissed.
      And back in the day, when the Temple stood in Jerusalem and they were still trying to apease that fucker with blood, they did a large business in "doves" i.e white pigeons (you know, for the average pilgrim who couldn't afford a sheep let alone a calf) in that market. You know the one that that guy tore up.
    • Re: More Sacrifices to the Gruel

      Tue, December 9, 2003 - 1:02 PM
      well, these days Christians make the symbolic sacrifice in communion wafers... Or else it's real flesh & blood depending on how much you believe in transubstantiation.

      But I like the idea of art students, or can we extend that to candy ravers and stupid people in general?
      • Gimme That Ol' Time Religion

        Wed, December 10, 2003 - 6:48 PM
        Excellent, we can lure them to our blood-stained altars with promises of a free rave and an open call for entries to a multi-media exhibit. Then bust out with the Uzis... Hmpf, maybe Mystery Cults don't get to use Uzis... okay, machetes and get Rwanda on their asses.
        • Re: uzis?

          Wed, December 10, 2003 - 9:59 PM
          Mystery cults get to use whatever they want, they just don't tell anybody.
          • Re: uzis?

            Tue, January 6, 2004 - 1:45 AM
            remember. no outside eucharist.
            • Re: uzis?

              Tue, January 6, 2004 - 9:20 AM
              What about drive-thru eucharist? All you can eat buffet eucharist?
              • Re: uzis?

                Tue, January 6, 2004 - 5:22 PM
                wait, what were we talking about again? why does it say 'uzis ?'at the top here??

                wow, i'm hungry for some taco bell or king's table.
            • Re: no outside eucharist

              Fri, January 9, 2004 - 1:30 PM
              No, that is just not true, outside eucharist are fine. The immortal remains of any deity are acceptable sacrifice here. We Odysseans, we're adaptable by definition.
  • Re: what the hell is a mystery cult

    Wed, January 7, 2004 - 11:28 AM
    A mystery cult, by definition, is a cult for which there is an initiation rite. While there were state-sponsored cults of deities like Dionysos, to which pretty much every resident was a member, mystery cults of Dionysos (and other deities) required that a member undergo some secret ritual to enlist. Usually these rituals involved the reciting of secret texts, transfer of official secret information, and the revelation of secret cult objects (sometimes things like a phallus hiding in a basket of grain...go figure). Revealing the mysteries of the initiation rite to the un-initiated was sometimes punishable by death.
    • Re: what the hell is a mystery cult

      Fri, January 9, 2004 - 4:29 PM
      hows 'bout those parties where the phallus is in the mashed potatoes?

      Unrelated question -- What are the advatages of being in this cult say, versus, the Stone Cutters?
      • Re: what the hell is a mystery cult

        Fri, January 9, 2004 - 5:06 PM
        Stone Cutters?
        • Re: what the hell is a mystery cult

          Fri, January 9, 2004 - 6:18 PM
          That's easy. Stonecutters: the Simpsons episode #2F09 "Homer the Great"

          Please explain Elysian and Mithratic.
          • Re: what the hell is a mystery cult

            Sun, January 11, 2004 - 9:34 AM
            Stonecutters: Only get to rob the cave fish of their sight
            Odysseans: Get to poke really big guys in the eye with sticks

            Please see the traditional number:

            Who controls the British crown?
            Who keeps the metric system down?
            We do! We do!
            Who leaves Atlantis off the maps?
            Who keeps the martians under wraps?
            We do! We do!
            Who holds back the electric car?
            Who makes Steve Guttenberg a star?
            We do! We do!
            Who robs the cave fish of their sight?
            Who rigs every Oscars night?
            We do! We do!

            Now, class, what is the Odyssean song? Anyone? Bueller?

          • Re: what the hell is a mystery cult

            Sun, January 11, 2004 - 11:34 PM
            Elysian is a brain spasm (the Elysian fields are home to the heroic dead). The Eleusinian Mysteries were dedicated to the Mother of the Fields and her poor, cold, pomegranate-eating Daughter. They were held in Eleusis, the traditional site of the Daughter’s abduction.
            Mithras was an Indo-European deity who got lost in Persia while on his way down to India. He wandered over to Rome where His cult became huge in pre-Christian, imperial army. His birthday is Dec. 25.
            • Re: what the hell is a mystery cult

              Mon, January 12, 2004 - 7:40 AM
              You're right, if euphemistic, about the Eleusinian Mysteries.

              Indeed, the major festival of Mithras was on December 25. So was the festival of Sol, the sun god. Mithras' religion as a great deal of soteriology in it. That is to say, a lot of savior-rhetoric. In the late Empire, Mithras, Sol & Christ were all conflated in terms of their worship and their ideologies. Sol and Christ were also conflated in terms of their iconography, while Mithras continued to be represented as the youth, riding/slaying a bull with the help of a dog, a snake, and a scorpion who stings the bull's testicles.

              Now if you'll turn to page 206 in Turcan's "The Cults of the Roman Empire"...
              • Re: euphemism

                Wed, January 14, 2004 - 8:04 AM
                Some gods never hear enough of their name, Panther’s Bastard Son for one, but I try to avoid using the names of gods unless clarity demands it. Sometimes you need to distinguish between Ishtar and Astarte but at othertimes it is more appropriate to use "euphemisms" and call her the All mother or Evening Star. Some gods cannot be named, and are always referred to by appellation; IVHVH comes to mind as an example. In general, to name is to invoke, and its best not invoke gods unless you are ready with some heavily drugged livestock and something sharp.

                p.s. Thank you professora for letting me know I was right, you’re right too. Why no mention of Orpheus?
                • Re: euphemism

                  Wed, January 14, 2004 - 8:27 AM
                  Ahem, that's Professoressa to you.

                  No mention of Orpheus because no one asked.

                  Oh, so am I to understand that you, Joe, are one of these new-age pagans?
                  • This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.

                    Re: New-Age pagan

                    Wed, January 14, 2004 - 11:39 AM
                    No need to get insulting, there is nothing new-age about me. That shit drives me up the wall.

                    And my apologies, my italian is very weak at best.
                  • This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.

                    Re: New-Age pagan

                    Wed, January 14, 2004 - 11:58 AM
                    No need to get insulting, there is nothing new-age about me. That shit drives me up the wall.

                    And my apologies, my italian is very weak at best.
                    • Re: New-Age pagan

                      Wed, January 14, 2004 - 12:21 PM
                      Whoah. Who's insulting anyone?
                      • Re: New-Age pagan

                        Thu, January 15, 2004 - 11:08 AM
                        Pax Professoressa, no offence taken as of course you don’t know me, but Patrick is right, I associate new-age thinking with a peculiar mix of poor logic skills and a shaky grasp of history. Neither of which is my particular problem.

                        Its just part of the fun (and the poetry) to use, and make up, good appellations for the gods and historical figures. For instance, I always refer to Charlemagne and his grandfather as Chuck the Great and Chuck the Hammer, and for Henry the Eighth no other epithet will do but Fat Boy (note also that once I say that there is no longer any doubt as to which Henry XIII I mean).

                        Its also a great way of conveying tone, two entirely different mental images of the same man are conjured up by the names Carlos Magna and Chuck the Great. It also allows one to disparage those one has no respect for, like refering to the Son of Man as Panther’s Son. Plus, as the last example illustrates, it provides a use for any spare esoteric knowledge that may be lying about.

                        Anyway I just view it as part of the fun. So don’t expect me to start spelling magic with a "k" or talking about my past incarnation as Octavian (although I admit there might be some fun in the latter).
                        • Re: New-Age pagan

                          Thu, January 15, 2004 - 11:38 AM
                          "...I associate new-age thinking with a peculiar mix of poor logic skills and a shaky grasp of history."

                          Whew, 'cause those people freak me out. Got in an argument with one of those people at a Kinkos. Can't remember the exact bulk of the conversation, but it was spurred by my homemade Lamassu "Don't mess with Mesopotamia" T-shirt.

                          Don't get me started on Atlantis freakos.

                          "..my past incarnation as Octavian (although I admit there might be some fun in the latter."

                          I think it would be way more fun to be Hadrian. Get to travel a lot, trophy wife, plus sexy boy-toy Antinous.
                          • Re: New-Age pagan

                            Thu, January 15, 2004 - 11:54 AM
                            >my homemade Lamassu "Don't mess with Mesopotamia" T-shirt<

                            I love that shirt! I was going to ask you where you got it; now you've saved me the trouble...

                            As far as envy for the life of Hadrian, I suspect Ovid got more of the kind of play I'm into. Plus, after the Odyssey, I'd have a hard time being into anyone named Antinous (with all due respect to Hadrians taste in boys).
                        • Re: New-Age pagan

                          Thu, January 15, 2004 - 11:39 AM
                          ...and I thought that I was the ONLY one who referred to Martel as "Chuck the Hammer"! What a small world it turns out to be...

                          "Fat Boy" conjures (har, har) images of Henry VIII riding in on a Harley.
                • Re: euphemism

                  Wed, January 14, 2004 - 10:36 AM
                  Don't forget Hastur the Unspeakable, whose name is NEVER to be spo-...(oh, shit...does writing it count?)
      • Re: Stonecutters

        Fri, January 30, 2004 - 6:55 PM
        "What are the advatages of being in this cult say, versus, the Stone Cutters?"

        None, join the stonecutters at any time possible, twice.
  • Unsu...
     

    Re: what the hell is a mystery cult

    Thu, September 14, 2006 - 5:51 AM
    Too much of a simplification my friend - you surely don't think you were the first hedonist on the planet - the Ancient Greeks have been doing it in NERVOUS STYLE while you wer just crapping in your nappy!

    leonidas homeros patsalides
    (aka lone wolf)
    check out my article on Dionysus or Orpheus
    • Re: what the hell is a mystery cult

      Fri, September 15, 2006 - 10:56 PM
      Those are either some awfully well preserved "Ancient Greeks", or they were more likely doing it in LONG SINCE ROTTED AND TURNED TO MULCH STYLE while any of us were crapping our nappies! Not sure which of us here is the most senior, but I'm confident that none of us are THAT SENIOR!

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